Scared Money Week 15 Parlays: The Safest 9-Leg ATD Parlay You've Ever Seen
Betting

Scared Money Week 15 Parlays: The Safest 9-Leg ATD Parlay You've Ever Seen

Cooterdoodle hit two of her Scared Money parlays last week ... what's in store this week with the return of Old Man Rivers?!

WE CASHED NOT ONE, BUT TWO SCARED MONEY PARLAYS LAST WEEK. 

Not only did we have an insanely fun sweat with Josh Allen during the Bengals game that was rewarded by Joe Burrow's two terrible Interceptions (getting the ball back in Josh's hands), but we had a dirty little C.J. Stroud sweat during SNF. 

And boy did they pay off. 

Now, I'm chasing for more. Could we keep the multi-win streak going?? Let's find out!

It's Scared Money - Week 15!

The 3 Scared Money Bylaws:

  1. May the Odds Never Be In Your Favor: We are absolutely NOT trying to play it safe. The crazier the odds, the better.
  2. Narratives Are EVERYTHING: Betting on something meaningless is an emotionally empty abyss. Instead, we're buying into the incredible outcomes that we want to become our reality. We're fans of the game—THAT is what drives the bet.
  3. No wager is too small: Even the smallest bets can give you an INCREDIBLE sweat if they revolve around something you believe in. In fact, the smaller the better.
  4.  

Father Time (+3500 DK / +10000 FD)

Look, I'm not saying I don't also have a stupid "Philip Rivers 3+ Passing Touchdowns" bet lingering out there in the world somewhere (OK, I do).

But I think it would be much more fun to bet on the opposite happening. Because as much as I respect Father Time himself, I've seen what Seattle's defense has done against much younger and much more relevant QBs. 

And more than that, I've seen what they've done to QBs who aren't used to currently playing in the NFL. YEAH, I'm looking at you, Max Brosmer (4 INT, 1 defensive TD). Even when Jacoby Brissett DIDN'T throw any INTs, Seattle's defense scored 2 TDs in Week 10. 

So it's not likely, but f*ck it, it'll be fun. 

PSA: I am placing a bet on DraftKings for continuity, but check other sites … 

  • SEA Defense 2+ Touchdowns

Run Jaxson, Run! (+800)

I had way too much fun chasing (and winning) a 5-leg QB parlay last week with Josh Allen using Fantasy Life's Xfinity best projections, where another rushing QB is projected for 2+ Passing TDs. 

So we're doing it again! 

No, this may not be 2024's NFL MVP, but he's had an incredible season so far. Despite a "down" game returning from concussion protocol in Week 14, I'm ready to bet on Jaxson Dart finding his footing this week against WAS. And by "find his footing," I mean scoring his eighth rushing TD on the year … and then some.

Tight TDs (+11606)

We focused on a defensive parlay and a QB parlay … let's keep the single positions rolling.

Moving on to my favorite: Tight Ends. 

Could Shedeur Sanders come back down to play at his floor? SURE. Might Mark Andrews be the beneficiary of the Ravens fun matchup with the Bengals? YEA. But who cares about the downside when you have upside?

Look, you can pick any TEs you like. If you want to feel safer with Trey McBride and Brock Bowers, so be it. Just know you're not earning any of my respect. 

Goin' Chalk (+7808)

We've got enough wild bets to last us through the weekend. Here's one that's a little safer. 

Well, maybe it's not safe now that I've thrown them all together in a nine-leg parlay … 

But the legs themselves are all chalky. Pinky Promise!

Scared Money side effects may include rooting for 10-leg parlays built in a bathtub and extreme fourth-quarter sweats. More serious side effects may include increased heart rate, high blood pressure, and swelling inside of your pants as the parlays come close to hitting. Ask your doctor if Scared Money bets are right for you.

Players Mentioned in this Article

  1. Jaxson Dart
    JaxsonDart
    QBNYGNYG
    PPG
    11.61
  2. Josh Allen
    JoshAllenQ
    QBBUFBUF
    PPG
    17.29
  3. Joe Burrow
    JoeBurrow
    QBCINCIN
    PPG
    11.93
  4. C.J. Stroud
    C.J.Stroud
    QBHOUHOU
    PPG
    11.00